Hampered Humanity

There is no reason to believe in God.

There is a beginning to this universe, a logical progression to life, a documented evolution to man. All of this, is the transformation of matter, morphed by temperature and pressure into what we observe today. There is no x-factor to life or consciousness, definitely no souls, and definitely no plan for any of us. Everything that makes up our identity’s, our bloated personalities, our beliefs, is a result of our experience with life thus far. If you were raised in a Christian family, you will believe their shit, and project your image as a Christian. Do believers in anything not see that? We have no real choices, everything you think you decided, someone else did, everything you KNOW you believe is a product of your environment. If you believe in anything, you never chose to, if you present yourself as a believer your so-called personality is a lie. Your image as a self-proclaimed prophet extends your ego beyond recognition.

We as humans are a self contained unit.  All of our senses, everything we see, touch, taste, hear, and smell, is cataloged and presented only in your mind, in your brain.  When meditating on LSD and MDMA, you exist at that time, only in your frontal lobe.  You can physically feel the thoughts in the front portion of your head, you feel as if you occupy that space, living at that moment in your own head.  You can begin walking through your brain, going down strange and old avenues, mixing everything, a kaleidoscope of thoughts, memories, and creativity.  As you can now travel in your brain in a more physical, recognizable manner, you can approach different memories and emotions in a new way, an unheard of way.  As you stand up to yourself in your own mind, you become a new consciousness, your body language mimics perfectly your emotional center, your thoughts become increasingly erratic and rotary, and you cease to exist in most practical areas of your brain.  You loose touch on socializing, focusing, and everyday problem solving.  You become a momentary master of dreams, storytelling, colorful fantasies.  You travel deep into the center of your frontal lobe, breaching the most inner creative barriers, taking hold to something more of You than ever before, and without the distractions of normal thoughts, you can perform new tasks in your mind, new analysis, new logic.

Freedom.  Love.  Happiness and that breath of fresh air.
Standing tall as the wind pours over you.  Throw your head back and breathe once more.  Throw everything out of your mind and live right now, only for that force.  That carefree invisible coat  flowing delicately over the curvature of our faces.  Our hair is tossed back and a smile is revealed.  Our eyes are closed, we do not see the blackness, we do not notice the absence of sight.  We live for right now.  We live, for this feeling.

This could last forever and I would be completely fulfilled.  I wish this would last forever.  I wish I could be taken up with the wind and fold myself into it.  I want to become wind.  I want to wrap you up with freedom.  I want to blow past you and be the reason you are happy.  Let me sweep up your worry and dispose of it across the world.  Maybe when we die our consciousness is reduced to wind, to raindrops, to anything beautiful.  Our matter renewed by trees, insects, and anything beautiful.  We can become more than what we are.  We can become less than what we seem.

In 1969 over 500,000 people came out for days of love, art, and music. An estimated 99% of the crowd was smoking marijuana, with a fair share of LSD, mescaline, and mushrooms also going around. The pictures showed smiling faces hitting their joints, blunts, pipes, etc., most at ease. In contrast to the Woodstock held most recently, where alcohol was the drug of choice, and corporate sponsorship ran the show, their was hate, rioting, and rape. Its not that the world is crumbling around us, it’s that we have let greed and fear run our lives. A Woodstock could be held tomorrow and if LSD and grass were legal, it would be a similar weekend as in 1969. Full of freedom, caring, and responsible intoxication. Don’t be out to make a buck, be out to be free and to give something back to the kids.

Globalization is at its height, and many are realizing that they do not want to be a part of the race any longer. I see a break in the norm, I see students turning to the roads, to the communes, to freedom. Soon enough, we will be laughing and tripping again. We will smile and not be afraid who’s looking, we will love and throw anxiety away with our uncertain futures. Ambition. Grab it, hold it, and break it. Live for this moment, not for an uncertain comfort in twenty years.

Mushrooms. Food from the Gods. I first tried mushrooms in the summer of 2007, at my house, surrounded by several close friends. I ate a couple grams of homegrown and 480 mg DXM, and prepared for the unknown. That night was filled with strange wonder, laughter, and freeness. This was one of my first psychedelic experiences, and the first that I really had a relaxed fun time with. Combining DXM with psychedelics, I find, reduces anxiety, body pains, and allows for a much smoother, colorful trip. At the time of this experience I had only smoked marijuana a handful of times before, and tried low doses of DXM a couple times. So you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was by the immense stoned feeling you get throughout your entire body with mushrooms, and in this case, combined with synthetic morphine(DXM).

The visuals you may encounter are usually subtle, but obviously increase with dosage. You may see the walls appearing to breathe, solid objects become liquified, and planes in your vision separating, making distinct layers of sight. Things have a way that they glow, a gentle ray of light shining behind all things, alluding to some sort of enlightenment. In comparison to LSD, mushrooms use much less mind trickery, meaning you can control your thoughts much easier than LSD. This does not mean you can’t have a bad trip, because believe me you can. You can get caught up with the body high, and panic because it feels too good. LSD is different in that its a stimulant, making you more aware of your body and it’s functions, whereas mushrooms make you feel like goo.

My experience with mushrooms is limited, as I have only eaten them less than 10 times, whereas I have dosed LSD/DOC over 30 times. If you have the choice, always go with LSD over DOC. DOC is an amphetamine and can make you feel very tweaked out and uncomfortable at higher doses (4+ hits). I stopped using it after tripping on 5 hits for more than 36 hours, whereas I have eaten 10 hits of LSD and been able to go to sleep 14 hours after dosing.

I pull the chilled smoke through Van Gogh’s starry night chamber. The pearly white is shown through the greens, blues, yellows, and reds. I stand up, walk outside, and collapse on the nearest lawn chair. Disoriented for a second, my hands start to feel clammy, and I feel my body temperature escalate quickly. Breathe deeply the new air, and look up to the blue sky. Something is coming out, a woman ripping the sky open, finally she is through. I hope she doesn’t notice me, I am scared of her. Soon she peers down at me, her eyes bigger and brighter than the sun, she looks at me curiously. I sink back in my chair but never stop gazing up at her. Her massive arm comes swinging down at me, her pendulum barely missing my chest. Closer and closer, she has a wryly smile now. She knows something I don’t. I wish she would speak to me, I wish I could understand why she is here, tormenting me endlessly. Finally she folds back into the comfortable blue sky I am used to. I shake it off, dry my hands, try and gather my composure. What the fuck was that?

This Thursday I will be going to an Intentional Community, Yonder Farm, and stay for an undetermined amount of time.  I hope to continually post while I am there.

My back rests firmly on a white oak, my head points up towards the sky.  Clear skies, not a cloud in sight.  The pale blue is only blocked by the long brown fingers reaching for the sky, and beyond.  Reaching and stretching, calmly in our eyes as they seem slow and cautious to get to their destination.  I reach back and touch the friendly tree behind me.  Its alive.

Swaying now, wrapping tightly around me.  Its fingers form tight ropes across my chest, I can not seem to stop this.  My knife does not do much, the tree is still winning, still coaxing me into staying here.  The bands now seem unbreakable, so I give up and willingly accept my future.  Stay forever locked into nature and see the world pass us by, because we will be here forever.  We will be here long after us.

The certain future of humanity is ultimate destruction. I believe that is also the certain outcome of our universe.  A cycle of life shown on earth brought about by the cycle of life through the cosmos and beyond.  An end brings about a new beginning.

When matter is sucked into a black hole it is destroyed completely, all information ever tied to it is gone.  What if God falls prey to one?  If he resides in his own universe, will he not be subject to it’s laws?  What if God was destroyed and all things tying his existence together eliminated, discharged with all of the other exhaust?  Because God exists forever means that he will inevitably be destroyed by nature.  His ultimate power will be his ultimate downfall.  Leaving a Godless universe behind.  One that I believe already exists, right here.

Because God will one day be destroyed, it shows that he was never God at all.  The tenets that God has put forth thus are lies, and a mockery of what reality actually is.  The comfort is no longer worth it, uproot yourself and turn away from religion, and face your new future.  One that you decide every decision, and your choices reflect what makes you up, instead of what someone has made you up with.

I can not peel a smile off of my face. I look in the mirror and a upside down triangle is glaring right back at me. My teeth grow to fangs, and my head transforms to that of a dogs. Large does of DXM have this affect. I look away from the mirror finally and reach to turn on the light switch. I see my arm moving upwards, but I feel like it is not even me that decided this move. The light turns on and I look back at the mirror cautiously. My emotions when I saw my newly shown face is a mix of fear and curiosity. Who is this looking back at me? Why won’t he remove his stare deep into my eyes? The mirror only holds my attention for so long before I want to go running. When you feel this light on your feet, this fluid, you want to dance, you want to leap as far as you can, even if it is only a couple inches.

A friend and I go outside and walk up the street. Both of us seem to be walking somewhat bow-legged, with our arms swinging out way beyond necessity. We reach the top. “Wanna race down?” he asks me. Hell yes I want to race down. We take our stance and a third, sober friend calls go. We were cruising down this mountain at unsustainable speeds, I look back, he stopped half way down and is looking at something off the street. I do not care, I am flying and it feels great.

Later that night, I got the usual tunnel vision and major disorientation that accompanies long hours of intoxication with a dissociative. I never got to sleep that night. Too many colors and too many tightly formed kaleidoscopes taking up my attention.

I live in a small room inside of a converted barn to house. It is currently unfinished inside, with no electricity or running water. I purchased a solar panel that pumps out 140 watts to power my cell phone charger, laptop, and a battery recharger for my camera. I filter 7 liters of creek water at a time and store it in a 10 gallon container until i need to use it. If I need to take a shit, I use my compost toilet I built myself. It is basically a bucket housed within a wooden frame and a toilet seat on top. Whenever it is used I cover it with dried leaves and pine straw to absorb the liquids and the smell. When the bucket is full, I take it outside to my compost system to later fertilize my garden. I cook on my wood burning stove, usually rice, beans, dehydrated potatoes, or a stew if I get any meat.

In the near future I plan on getting some chickens and rabbits and breeding both of them. A garden is being planned right now as well, and planting should be begin late this February. Pictures coming soon.

Your company is always welcomed out here with me.